C

After the school basketball final, Jason sat alone on the playground, staring at his phone. His team had lost by one point, and he had missed the last shot. Then came a message from his friend: "Don't worry. It's just one game." Instead of feeling better, Jason felt even more alone.

Most people have probably responded like Jason's friend at some point. When someone around us is upset, our first instinct (本能) is often to make that person feel better as quickly as possible. As a result, many people turn to familiar expressions such as "It will be fine." However, researchers have begun to question whether optimism is really what people in distress need most.

Dr Laura Chen, a researcher at a Canadian university, has been studying how people respond to different kinds of comforting messages, especially in online exchanges. In one of her studies, more than 1,000 participants were presented with various texting scenarios (场景) and asked to imagine themselves as the receiver of each message.

In one example, Alex texted his friend Jamie to say that he had just failed his driving test. Some participants saw Jamie reply, "I'm really sorry. That must feel awful." Others saw a different response: "Don't worry, you'll be fine next time!" They were then asked how understood they would feel in Alex's situation. Most said the first response made them feel more understood because it acknowledged Alex's disappointment. By contrast, the second response, though clearly well-intentioned, was often judged less helpful.

This is where the idea of validation (认同) becomes important. According to Chen, one possible explanation is that optimistic phrases sometimes create a form of emotional pressure. When people hear "Don't worry", they may feel pressured to recover quickly or move beyond their negative feelings before they are ready. Yet emotions such as sadness, anger, or disappointment usually do not disappear on command (指令). Chen further points out that comforting language may sometimes serve the speaker more than the listener. Saying something hopeful can help the comfort-giver feel useful or emotionally in control. For the person in distress, however, the same words may create a sense of isolation (孤立) rather than relief, especially if they suggest that strong feelings are inconvenient.

Still, Chen is careful not to overgeneralise. Her research focuses mainly on online communication, and reactions may differ in other settings. In more formal relationships, such as those between doctors and patients, comforting language may function differently.