B

For much of my career, my colleagues only saw what I call my "resting science face". It conveys the part of me that's driven to spend hours obsessing over a conference talk or stay up all night for a research grant (拨款). They didn't see the side of me that loves funny TV shows, cracks jokes, and laughs out loud. As a woman and mother, I felt I needed to prove I was serious about the job, in case others view me as too distracted by my personal life.

My serious face worked. I landed a job at a great university. But I felt I had to split myself in two - the serious scientist in public, the goofball (搞笑的人) in private. Only later did I realize how much stronger my science, and my relationships, could have been if I'd let both sides show sooner.

The first crack in my public persona came when I participated in a local live storytelling show. I described an embarrassing moment from a solo trip to Thailand. To my surprise, when people laughed, it didn't feel bad or shameful. It felt like a warm hug.

This reminded me that I might also experiment with being silly at work, too. So, when the semester began, I delivered a lecture dressed in a funny costume. I began kicking off lab meetings by asking my students what brings them joy or makes them laugh. Surprisingly, I found that injecting fun and humor into my work life didn't make me less credible. Instead, students seemed to find me more approachable.

But perhaps most importantly, humor has helped me be resilient. Last winter, my grant for an environmental project was abruptly terminated. After the shock and immediate grief wore off, I turned to my goofy side, writing satires and making joke T-shirts. That's not to say I was living in denial. But making jokes and sharing laughter helped me stay present.

In the end, I have come to realize that being myself at work is not a weakness, but rather a strength. So that's why, even as I reimagine my research plans, I'll be putting on a colorful outfit, calling up some friends, and cracking jokes. Now, more than ever, it's time to laugh.