You’ve heard of coping ahead? It is often helpful to plan, think through possible problems, and determine ahead of time what will be useful for you in an anticipated difficult situation. What may be easier, more automatic, and far less helpful than coping ahead is “dreading ahead. Dreading ahead is when you continue to think about and worry about an upcoming event. 1[■]
To be sure, this is different from planning and preparing. When you dread, you think about the upcoming event. You worry. You find it distracting. You may have physiological symptoms. What you don’t do is plan, prepare, and get on with your life. 2[■] In fact, it is easy to feel like you are putting a lot of effort into it without actually putting yourself in a better position. That is dreading ahead.
That all probably makes sense but the challenge is changing that behavior. 3[■] As you are thinking about the future with that worried feeling, check in with yourself. Are you planning? Are you taking steps to make it better? Those are useful actions. Or are you worrying? Are you avoiding? Are you dwelling?
4[■] Self-acceptance is important. Allow that the thing coming up is not something to look forward to. And then notice when you are stuck in a place of dwelling. That place of dwelling can lead to feeling worse and set you up poorly for what you need to manage.
Think about whether there is important planning and preparation to do. If not, focus on mindfulness. Come back to the present moment, rather than remaining in that place of dread.
That is not an easy thing to do. Do not expect that it will be easy to shift from worrying and dreading to being in the present moment. 5[■] It is a set of skills worth developing and they can be developed. As you are doing that, remember: Don’t dread ahead!