B
I wrestled her to the ground for the keys, literally. Indeed, when she opened the door to leave the house at 11 pm for the movies despite my words, I actually wrestled my 16-year-old daughter to the ground.
I did not know how to deal with a rebellious（叛逆的）teenager. We are a family of strong wills, from the top down. All my kids had pushed and argued. Everyone "kind of" followed the rules. As they got older, especially when they hit high school, I saw the power shifting, but it hadn't been so obvious. I had not seen much in-your-face rebellion.
Until this happened.
I called Amy Speidel, a wise and practical parenting expert. She stayed on the phone with me and listened to my wild complaint about my disrespectful kid. She listened for almost two hours and then gave me some suggestions.
Amy told me that my daughter's behavior was "developmentally appropriate"-she was supposed to test the boundaries. Amy also said that it was great that my daughter would be able to stand up for herself in a relationship that wasn't working.
Those comments really made me feel awful. I hadn't considered anything positive about her behavior-but outside of our mother-daughter relationship, I would never want to devalue my daughter's strong will.
After talking with Amy, I realized that I was the one who needed help understanding discipline vs control. Honestly, I did hate that the responsibility was on me. I wanted permission to scream and punish. But I listened to Amy and here's what I learned.
1. My daughter's behavior was normal. That eased my fears that I had raised a terrible human and failed as a mother.
- My daughter's strong personality was a strength. That revelation was a huge gift. I value her qualities but don't want them used against me. I will soften my response and listen to her.
3. I went crazy. In fact, I crossed a line. And that happens. But I learned to apologize and reset so that we could move forward.
My job, therefore, is to learn new responses that offer my daughter options and realistic consequences, not empty threats. And hopefully, this will change my relationship with my daughter.