Finding and keeping friends is a skill that can take some time to develop.
From around the age of four, children develop an understanding that other people may have thoughts, interests and feelings that are different to theirs. This emerging capacity, known as Theory of Mind, helps children make friends, says Eileen Kennedy-Moore, a clinical psychologist. "They become better at imagining someone else's perspective and this stimulates more intimate (亲密的) friendships."
Children often have a practical view of friendship, forming close bonds with peers in the playground or classroom, says Kennedy-Moore. "It is a 'love the one you're with' approach."
"The thing that kids have as an advantage over adults is that they are in the room with 25 others in their stage of life," she says. "In adulthood it takes thoughtful effort to find and develop friendships." According to one study, adults must spend around 50 hours together to go from mere acquaintance (相识的人) to a casual friend, 90 hours together before they consider each other as friends, and more than 200 hours to become close friends who share an emotional connection.
Psychologists say best friendships can help children prepare for close relationships, including romantic ones, as they grow up.
"Best friendship is really like falling in love, "says Kennedy-Moore.
"Close friendships in childhood help kids practice the skills they need in intimate relationships throughout their lives. They learn about other people, and about themselves, to deal with feelings like envy, loneliness, and sadness."
"If children don't talk about friends at home, it doesn't mean they don't have any," she says, adding that this may because they prefer a quieter style of interacting with others.
Parents can help their children in developing friendships by organizing fun meet-ups outside of school. "The formula is: watch then get involved." says Kennedy-Moore. "Parents should teach their children to watch what other children are doing, then encourage them to slide into the action without interrupting."